Big decisions and other musings

Hmmm. Hello.


Long post ahead, sorry folks!


I have been in a bit of a funk recently, all woe-is-me like, hence my lack of posts for a few weeks. I don't generally like to post in a negative way, as that's not what this blog is intended for, I try to only post positive things where I can.


So. Lots of thinking has been done in the midst of raising 2 kids, being a housewife, looking after a hungry 4 month old, toilet training a 2.5 year old, sick in laws and various other dramas.  In fact, possibly too much thinking which could be where I'm going wrong. Once your head goes into hyper drive and all these ideas and thoughts whizzing around, you don't get a whole lot of down time do you?


I have been thinking (ever since I left work to have my boy, almost 3 years ago) about what sort of business I could set up, one that lets me work from home until our kids are at school. Now I did say already, I have lots of ideas, and I am toying with 2 in particular, both involve passions of mine, and both COULD work. 


One will take a lot of time, most likely for not a lot of money, BUT I would have heaps of fun and get to unleash creative-me. 


The other, is something I studied for, worked towards for a few years, and would take up less time, and has potential to be very good, and could be expanded on with other services, and more hours once the kids are in school. Its just a lack of confidence in myself that is holding me back. That and I need to work on me before I can help others.


So after a couple of decent sized meltdowns in the last week, and lots of over emotional-ness, I have decided this:


1. Play around with option number 1, just a bit, making gifts for others etc, and see how much talent I really have with the things I want to make. 


2. Work on a business plan for option #2, and work on me a bit while I'm at it. I can't help others if I can't help myself. Get as much advice as I can, and once business plan is done, it will be closer to when my boy goes into 20 hours a week child care (September) so will have a small amount more free time then (around my wee girl) 


3. Try and relax a bit and just enjoy being a mama. They don't stay little forever, or so I'm told.


Nikki

Taking time to enjoy the Newborn phase, and other things I've learnt.

A couple of things I have noticed in the last 8 weeks since having baby #2:

You really do take more time to enjoy your 2nd (and, I assume, any subsequent kids after #2) than you do with your first. I'm sure many a mama will agree that with your first, it's all about hitting the next milestone, rushing through the development and worrying about every little thing or spot that they may develop. Then, one day they aren't newborns any more, it all rushed by in the haze of sleeplessness and fretting the little stuff.

This time around, we almost feel like bad parents, things that had us worrying and asking for advice every 2 seconds last time, well this time it's more a case of "meh, it's fine" "ahhh hormone spots again" and on it goes. It's not that you don't care the 2nd time around, but you remember from last time that kids get hot at random times, they might sometimes sleep so deeply after a long day that they are really hard to wake, hormone spots are FINE, feeding non stop for 48 hours is ok and they have regular growth spurts.

All this stuff had us worried last time, but this time we knew to expect it so I guess we aren't sweating the small stuff. I must admit that having her get really cranky every night when I sit down to eat my dinner, that still bugs me!

Cute brother and sister pic...

The 2 year old forgot to hold his sister upright.....

I just want to mention that NO she did not fall over.
I was right in front of her and she just slid off his knee onto the couch.

Kids adapt. We stressed, as would any soon to be parent of 2, that Dex would be so traumatised at not having all our attention, and having this new little person around, that it would be upsetting for him. He is the most loving, affectionate big brother. He has his moments where he's a bit rough, but generally it's when he's trying to give her cuddles, he nearly suffocates her with his hugs! His sleeping routine went a bit awol for awhile there, but he seems to have gotten over it, realised Amber is here to stay and that is that.

Last but not least, there is always enough love to go around. I was so worried that after spending 2 and a bit years with Dexter as our one and only, how could we love another kid as much and give both the same attention? You can. Always. I actually heard (on that "all grown up" version of Rugrats, of all places) that the walls of your heart expand when there is another person to love, so that there is always room for more love. Was something like that anyway, but it's very true.

I've learnt so much more, but I was just thinking about all this today, as at 8 weeks, Amber is already out of Newborn nappies and newborn clothes, it's all just going far too fast, and it makes me sad to think that this is likely our last child and the newborn phase has gone so fast. I'm just glad we took more time to relax and enjoy it this time.

Things I have learnt since becoming a mum (Part 1) - The baby stages

I was thinking about this lately, what I have learnt, what I was told to expect and what I completely didn't expect at all, prior to becoming a mum.

Things I was told

* You will NEVER have any time to yourself AT ALL.

Well.....I disagree. Your sanity time is much reduced of course, but if you have a supportive husband/partner/friends/family/reliable babysitter, you can still find SOME time. Maybe not as much as you would like, but really? Would you have expected otherwise? I admit, I still didn't really leave him with anyone, even hubby really, prior to 6 months, but the offers were always there, I just chose not to take them and he was one of the "refuse the bottle" type babies so wasn't a huge option anyway!

I know my husband (an avid Xboxer) was told time and time again, "oh when baby comes, you won't have ANY time for Xboxing"... His reply from day one (and even now, 2 years later) is "I actually play more now than I did before having kids" Take that non-believers!

*Newborn babies sleep ALL the TIME

Pisht. These people are lucky. Me, I was lucky if Dex slept more than 40 minutes at a time during the day! Things started to improve a little at about 3 months old, but prior to that, nope. He was pretty good at night though, and I would take a good night sleeper over a good day sleeper anytime!

*Breastfeeding doesn't hurt, and if it does, you are doing it wrong.

Now I know the wife of the person who told me this (so yes, it was a male who informed me) will be reading, and I hope she has a giggle at this memory. Both of us were about to become mums for the first time. She was 4 months or so ahead of me and quickly learnt post-birth, that this is not the case. You can take all the lessons and read all the books in the world, but that baby hasn't taken said lessons, and he/she can't read yet, so it's still a learning curve. For most it takes patience, gritted teeth, more patience and I know in my case, more than a couple of tears before it becomes easier for both of you.

* You will be stuck at home and never get to go out

I guess there is some truth in this. It is generally EASIER, and requires a lot less preparation to just stay home. But you need a little bit of time away from the hum drum of home life. Even if it's just to go to the supermarket or do some odd jobs.The housework may not get done so easily, but at least you will all get a bit of a break and reduce some of that cabin fever that we all know. (especially when you have toddlers!! But that's a story for another day) I try these days to have at least 2 home days during the week, and 3 outings (although I wouldn't say they are kid outings, more supermarket, odd jobs etc. Am working on that though.)

Things I had to learn for myself

* Being on time suddenly doesn't always matter so much, and you don't get too worked up when you aren't 5 minutes early somewhere.

Before having Dexter, I was completely anal about this. If I wasn't at least 5 minutes early getting to something, I would stress myself out no end. It took me at least 6 months, if not a year to let go of this one. Try your best to be on time, if you are a couple of minutes late, the world most likely will not go up in a cloud of dust. And if it did, I guess the fact you were late is a little irrelevant anyway.

*The house will not always be tidy.

Ah yes. This one. I have just now, 2 years down the track, started to get some kind of grip on regular housework. Now there are a few reasons/excuses for this, but to be honest, many days it was just plain laziness/facebook addiction. There will always be days when it just isn't happening, and that's ok. Again, do what you realistically can, and provided your child is happy, fed and in a clean nappy, it's a successful day. My minimum I try and get done is dishes, washing, sweep the floor and pick up toys. Anything else is a bonus! Again, luckily I have an understanding and supportive husband who knows I try my best. (What he tells his friends and workmates though, I don't know)

*People will always give you advice. Listen and accept it graciously and it's up to you if you use it or not.

This can be an awkward one. I mentioned to a couple of close relatives prior to Dex being born that we weren't  keen to have advice (or more so, instruction) shoved down our throats. This by a few was taken as, we don't want any help, we don't want any visitors and basically leave us to it. You certainly can't get it right everytime! Anyway what I was told by others, and what I found was easiest, was to listen to the advice given, remember that they are trying to help, no matter whether it comes across that way or not, and in the end, you know what works for your baby, no one else, so you know (or you will learn), what works and what doesn't. 

*Being a mum is more rewarding and enjoyable than I could ever have expected.

Cheesy, yes. Cliche, quite possibly. I don't care. We have been having some rough times with Dexter lately, he's hit that "terrible twos" stage in a big way, and with me being 28 weeks pregnant with more than a couple of pregnancy related pains and aches going on, he has figured out mummy can't catch him if he runs away. So a few rough days, definitely, but on the whole, there is nothing at all I would change for it. And with #2 coming in January, I know I am in for a whole new shock again!

Stay tuned for part two of this, what I have learnt and what I was told about having a toddler.... 

Nikki xx

Back into "life and other projects" after a week away

Hi Bloggy Family!

Cutie pies Dex and Adam

I have just had a week away in Wellington with my lovely hubby and my cute (if not currently in the throes of toddlerdom) wee man, Dex. Prior to going away I was getting pretty stressed out and worked up, and over the stupidest little things. 

The Desert Road

So I have decided on a couple of initial things that I want to change. There is more than a couple, but it will be a long post so I will spread it out over a couple of posts.

My wardrobe, mid clearout

Problem:
I have waaaay too many belongings. Items. Stuff. Before leaving I had been reading up on minimalism. Now any one who knows me would agree that the thought of me downsizing all my stuff to a "minimalist" level, is pretty damned hilarious. We are a 3 person family with a 3 bedroom plus garage house, and we are still bursting at the seams. 


Solution:  Even if I am the worlds most unlikely minimalist, that's not to say that I can't get rid of a whole heap of stuff. I had started before we went away but now it's time to get ruthless.

The beginnings of "Crafty Corner"

Problem: Housework. Many of you who are Stay at Home Mums, or work part time like me, will agree that although you in theory have a whole day to do the housework, this is not the case. I have struggled with getting everything done since Dex was born. I go out too often, I spend too much time on the internet, and some days, Dex is having a bad day and I just won't be getting anything done. Then the Mother in Law came to look after Dex for 3 hours while I went to work. I came home and she had done the dishes, swept and mopped the floor, cleaned the bathroom top to bottom, cleaned the stove top and done the dishes. When I said I struggle to even get the dishes and washing done some days, I was told that it is easy, just give Dex a cloth and he will help. Maybe when he has nanna/daddy to play with which is a novelty. Not so much when it's mummy, who he sees all day every day. So my response was to cry. After she left. But still, as nice as it was to have a clean house, it made me feel INCREDIBLY INADEQUATE. 


Solution: Continue as I had started before our holiday, turning off the computer more so I am not tempted to sit down and waste away my morning facebooking, blogging etc. Revise the routine now that I have new work hours and stick to the routine! Go out less.

My first attempt at a tutu, made for Miss A

Problem: My goal I had set at the start of this year to complete 2 of my crafty projects each month this year. So far I have completed 3 projects in total. So a bit of catching up to do there.


Solution: I am in the process of setting up "Crafty Corner" in the laundry corner of our shed. Hubby has his man cave in the garage also, so it will be a shared space. This is a space that is further away from Dex's bedroom and so will be easier for me to work on crafty stuff/blog stuff when he is in bed at night, rather than wasting hours just watching tv.


So that is my first 3 problems and their solutions. There are more, but this is already a long post so will leave it  for next time.