Some changes for the better

It's been a long time, I know.

To be honest, I have been hating on myself for a long time. Too ashamed to even post about the slightest thing. So called "bad" eating, no exercise, due to some incredible exhaustion and a knee injury, sick kids, late nights working on orders and all around stress. I also just haven't had time.

Just one of the things I have been busy on - hosting my first Showcase!

But I wanted to just stop in this morning to say this: I have recently had a bit of a shift in my thinking when it comes to nutrition. And it is helping more than I can say when it comes to my attitudes about what I eat. To be fair it has only been a couple of weeks, but  I am already down 1.5kg, still not eating perfectly (though that is the point), and still not exercising, so the only way is up. (or, down in this case)

I will be back to elaborate, but for now, I have a sick-ish 3.5 year old and a sick 15 month old that need my attention, and they always come first.

Nice to see you again :)
Nikki

My lovey, huggy kiddies

Big decisions and other musings

Hmmm. Hello.


Long post ahead, sorry folks!


I have been in a bit of a funk recently, all woe-is-me like, hence my lack of posts for a few weeks. I don't generally like to post in a negative way, as that's not what this blog is intended for, I try to only post positive things where I can.


So. Lots of thinking has been done in the midst of raising 2 kids, being a housewife, looking after a hungry 4 month old, toilet training a 2.5 year old, sick in laws and various other dramas.  In fact, possibly too much thinking which could be where I'm going wrong. Once your head goes into hyper drive and all these ideas and thoughts whizzing around, you don't get a whole lot of down time do you?


I have been thinking (ever since I left work to have my boy, almost 3 years ago) about what sort of business I could set up, one that lets me work from home until our kids are at school. Now I did say already, I have lots of ideas, and I am toying with 2 in particular, both involve passions of mine, and both COULD work. 


One will take a lot of time, most likely for not a lot of money, BUT I would have heaps of fun and get to unleash creative-me. 


The other, is something I studied for, worked towards for a few years, and would take up less time, and has potential to be very good, and could be expanded on with other services, and more hours once the kids are in school. Its just a lack of confidence in myself that is holding me back. That and I need to work on me before I can help others.


So after a couple of decent sized meltdowns in the last week, and lots of over emotional-ness, I have decided this:


1. Play around with option number 1, just a bit, making gifts for others etc, and see how much talent I really have with the things I want to make. 


2. Work on a business plan for option #2, and work on me a bit while I'm at it. I can't help others if I can't help myself. Get as much advice as I can, and once business plan is done, it will be closer to when my boy goes into 20 hours a week child care (September) so will have a small amount more free time then (around my wee girl) 


3. Try and relax a bit and just enjoy being a mama. They don't stay little forever, or so I'm told.


Nikki

Taking time to enjoy the Newborn phase, and other things I've learnt.

A couple of things I have noticed in the last 8 weeks since having baby #2:

You really do take more time to enjoy your 2nd (and, I assume, any subsequent kids after #2) than you do with your first. I'm sure many a mama will agree that with your first, it's all about hitting the next milestone, rushing through the development and worrying about every little thing or spot that they may develop. Then, one day they aren't newborns any more, it all rushed by in the haze of sleeplessness and fretting the little stuff.

This time around, we almost feel like bad parents, things that had us worrying and asking for advice every 2 seconds last time, well this time it's more a case of "meh, it's fine" "ahhh hormone spots again" and on it goes. It's not that you don't care the 2nd time around, but you remember from last time that kids get hot at random times, they might sometimes sleep so deeply after a long day that they are really hard to wake, hormone spots are FINE, feeding non stop for 48 hours is ok and they have regular growth spurts.

All this stuff had us worried last time, but this time we knew to expect it so I guess we aren't sweating the small stuff. I must admit that having her get really cranky every night when I sit down to eat my dinner, that still bugs me!

Cute brother and sister pic...

The 2 year old forgot to hold his sister upright.....

I just want to mention that NO she did not fall over.
I was right in front of her and she just slid off his knee onto the couch.

Kids adapt. We stressed, as would any soon to be parent of 2, that Dex would be so traumatised at not having all our attention, and having this new little person around, that it would be upsetting for him. He is the most loving, affectionate big brother. He has his moments where he's a bit rough, but generally it's when he's trying to give her cuddles, he nearly suffocates her with his hugs! His sleeping routine went a bit awol for awhile there, but he seems to have gotten over it, realised Amber is here to stay and that is that.

Last but not least, there is always enough love to go around. I was so worried that after spending 2 and a bit years with Dexter as our one and only, how could we love another kid as much and give both the same attention? You can. Always. I actually heard (on that "all grown up" version of Rugrats, of all places) that the walls of your heart expand when there is another person to love, so that there is always room for more love. Was something like that anyway, but it's very true.

I've learnt so much more, but I was just thinking about all this today, as at 8 weeks, Amber is already out of Newborn nappies and newborn clothes, it's all just going far too fast, and it makes me sad to think that this is likely our last child and the newborn phase has gone so fast. I'm just glad we took more time to relax and enjoy it this time.

Things I have learnt since becoming a mum (Part 1) - The baby stages

I was thinking about this lately, what I have learnt, what I was told to expect and what I completely didn't expect at all, prior to becoming a mum.

Things I was told

* You will NEVER have any time to yourself AT ALL.

Well.....I disagree. Your sanity time is much reduced of course, but if you have a supportive husband/partner/friends/family/reliable babysitter, you can still find SOME time. Maybe not as much as you would like, but really? Would you have expected otherwise? I admit, I still didn't really leave him with anyone, even hubby really, prior to 6 months, but the offers were always there, I just chose not to take them and he was one of the "refuse the bottle" type babies so wasn't a huge option anyway!

I know my husband (an avid Xboxer) was told time and time again, "oh when baby comes, you won't have ANY time for Xboxing"... His reply from day one (and even now, 2 years later) is "I actually play more now than I did before having kids" Take that non-believers!

*Newborn babies sleep ALL the TIME

Pisht. These people are lucky. Me, I was lucky if Dex slept more than 40 minutes at a time during the day! Things started to improve a little at about 3 months old, but prior to that, nope. He was pretty good at night though, and I would take a good night sleeper over a good day sleeper anytime!

*Breastfeeding doesn't hurt, and if it does, you are doing it wrong.

Now I know the wife of the person who told me this (so yes, it was a male who informed me) will be reading, and I hope she has a giggle at this memory. Both of us were about to become mums for the first time. She was 4 months or so ahead of me and quickly learnt post-birth, that this is not the case. You can take all the lessons and read all the books in the world, but that baby hasn't taken said lessons, and he/she can't read yet, so it's still a learning curve. For most it takes patience, gritted teeth, more patience and I know in my case, more than a couple of tears before it becomes easier for both of you.

* You will be stuck at home and never get to go out

I guess there is some truth in this. It is generally EASIER, and requires a lot less preparation to just stay home. But you need a little bit of time away from the hum drum of home life. Even if it's just to go to the supermarket or do some odd jobs.The housework may not get done so easily, but at least you will all get a bit of a break and reduce some of that cabin fever that we all know. (especially when you have toddlers!! But that's a story for another day) I try these days to have at least 2 home days during the week, and 3 outings (although I wouldn't say they are kid outings, more supermarket, odd jobs etc. Am working on that though.)

Things I had to learn for myself

* Being on time suddenly doesn't always matter so much, and you don't get too worked up when you aren't 5 minutes early somewhere.

Before having Dexter, I was completely anal about this. If I wasn't at least 5 minutes early getting to something, I would stress myself out no end. It took me at least 6 months, if not a year to let go of this one. Try your best to be on time, if you are a couple of minutes late, the world most likely will not go up in a cloud of dust. And if it did, I guess the fact you were late is a little irrelevant anyway.

*The house will not always be tidy.

Ah yes. This one. I have just now, 2 years down the track, started to get some kind of grip on regular housework. Now there are a few reasons/excuses for this, but to be honest, many days it was just plain laziness/facebook addiction. There will always be days when it just isn't happening, and that's ok. Again, do what you realistically can, and provided your child is happy, fed and in a clean nappy, it's a successful day. My minimum I try and get done is dishes, washing, sweep the floor and pick up toys. Anything else is a bonus! Again, luckily I have an understanding and supportive husband who knows I try my best. (What he tells his friends and workmates though, I don't know)

*People will always give you advice. Listen and accept it graciously and it's up to you if you use it or not.

This can be an awkward one. I mentioned to a couple of close relatives prior to Dex being born that we weren't  keen to have advice (or more so, instruction) shoved down our throats. This by a few was taken as, we don't want any help, we don't want any visitors and basically leave us to it. You certainly can't get it right everytime! Anyway what I was told by others, and what I found was easiest, was to listen to the advice given, remember that they are trying to help, no matter whether it comes across that way or not, and in the end, you know what works for your baby, no one else, so you know (or you will learn), what works and what doesn't. 

*Being a mum is more rewarding and enjoyable than I could ever have expected.

Cheesy, yes. Cliche, quite possibly. I don't care. We have been having some rough times with Dexter lately, he's hit that "terrible twos" stage in a big way, and with me being 28 weeks pregnant with more than a couple of pregnancy related pains and aches going on, he has figured out mummy can't catch him if he runs away. So a few rough days, definitely, but on the whole, there is nothing at all I would change for it. And with #2 coming in January, I know I am in for a whole new shock again!

Stay tuned for part two of this, what I have learnt and what I was told about having a toddler.... 

Nikki xx

Emotional Eating

Since I have had nothing much to post about recently, I haven't been on here a whole lot. Have had a grizzly, teething baby with a cold and now an upset tummy to contend with, along with a cold myself and hideous weather, so not much walking has been done by me lately.
I did manage a 13km walk early in the week so at least that's something!

The weigh ins' were getting me down. I cut out chocolate, I'm walking further than ever, downsized my portion sizes and yet the weight is still either staying the same, or in some cases, going up again. So I decided not to weigh myself for a few weeks. One can get pretty obsessed with      the scales, as I have found in the past

It has been 2 weeks today since I have had any chocolate, which I must say, makes me damn proud of myself. However it does bring me to discuss one thing. Emotional Eating. This is something that I have struggled with ever since I was 11. I remember the exact moment my "eating issues" started. I was at a demonstration for "Clogging" (Mock away, I don't care) and my Nana, who was my teacher, lifted up my skirt in front of everybody, to pull my top down so it was tidy, told me I have gained too much weight and needed to lose it again.

Now this is something that no one wants to hear, but especially not an 11 year old already impressionable girl. And even more so, not from your own Nana!!! It wasn't the first, or last, time she said something to this accord, but it was the time that affected me the most.

From then I was always convinced that I was fat. Even though at a lot of the time when I was younger, I was nothing of the sort. But there you go. So for the following 17 years to now, if I am sad, I eat. If I am angry, I eat. You get the idea. There is the obvious suggestions, don't have the bad food in the house, do something to distract yourself. But I have had days where (pre-baby) I decide I want a burger and chips, and it doesn't matter what anyone says, I will have my burger and chips. I even recall having fights with my hubby, who while would never tell me I need to lose weight or anything, will very nicely tell me that "WE" shouldn't really have takeaways for a 3rd time that week, but it didn't matter, I would have my takeaways, enjoy it for all of 5 minutes then spend the rest of the day feeling like crap and very disappointed in myself.

Having a baby changes a lot of this though. It's not so easy to just drop everything and drive to get some fatty goodness. And I have to say I have found that it hasn't been too hard to just not have naughty food in the house. So now I think the main time I am going to have to watch myself is buying naughty food when I am out, eg at lunchtime while in town. And if I am being totally honest with myself, this is not an "emotional" kind of eating rather than a habit. Something I am going to have to break if I am going to lose weight.

Cutting out chocolate has to be a good start. From here I am going to aim to start cutting down my sugar intake in general, but chocolate was definitely the biggest problem for me at the moment.

So that is enough of my rambling for one day. The sun has just come out and so I might make the most of it and get out for a walk while my baby is still sleeping. Any feedback/pointers regarding emotional eating are most welcome :)

Happy SUNday :)
Nikki

First 5 days with no chocolate down and did my biggest walk yet yesterday!

Well haven't had any chocolate since Sunday night and its now Friday night, go me!
Yesterday I attempted my first big walk in 2 weeks and my first walk of any kind in a week after being sick. I did my biggest walk so far! Managed 11.5 km and felt like I could have carried on but had my baby with me who had been sitting in his pram for 3 hours and was starting to get fairly over it. Who can blame him really? Anyway felt pretty good afterwards, and today felt fine too.

Am planning to get out for a big walk again on Sunday, if the weather gods play nice that is! This time I will go by myself and not have a grizzly, teething baby riding in a pram with flat tyres. Can only be good resistance training though I suppose!

Another challenge to add to the walking...

So as of Monday I am going to attempt to not eat chocolate for 12 weeks.... A HUGE challenge on my part as I really do love chocolate! It was meant to be just until the half marathon in 8 weeks, but what's another month, which will bring me to 12 weeks and the 1st of September. A good date I think.

So I have half a block of Whittakers Bittersweet dark chocolate sitting in the fridge right now and I am tossing up wheather to scoff the lot before Monday, or be strong and put it away somewhere, or just give it to my husband to eat for me. Really I shouldn't eat it at all.

I have had a friend who has decided to join me on this crusade against chocolate. Although she lives no where near me I'm sure we can keep on at each other via Facebook and MSN.

So this time in 8 weeks I will be in Taupo having an early night in preparation for walking my first ever half marathon. I'm pretty nervous about the whole thing now, 8 weeks isn't a very long time when I am feeling more than a little unprepared. But I have seen many a training guide for half marathons that are over an 8 week period, so it is obviously do-able and I am walking half the distance already... Long as there are no more set backs and I get rid of my mini cold (really I'm just tired with a sore throat) then I should be sweet. My dad has offered to go for a walk with me tomorrow to push me on and push the pram for me so I can work on walking minus my child attachment, as I won't be pushing a pram on the day so may as well get used to it.

Thats all for today, I am going to have an early night I think. Have added a couple of photos of my last walk since I just realised I can actually load photos on here!!

Good night all
Nikki

The final "before" photo

Ok so I'm completely over this. I had a baby almost 7 months ago, and although I was already overweight before getting pregnant, I lost all my pregnancy weight within about 8 weeks (all 16kg of it) Go the Breastfeeding!!!!
I thought this meant I would end up smaller than before I got pregnant, but noooo oooo. I stayed at exactly that weight for a further 2 months and then lo and behold I GAIN 5 KGS!!!!

Completely unimpressed. This leaves me sitting at around 92kg when I would ideally like to be about 65ish. I'm 1.65cm tall (roughly) so according to my BMI I should be under 60kg, but last time I was 60kg (about 8 years ago) I almost looked too thin.

Thats where this blog comes in. I have so many "before photos" but never an "after" photo. Well none that I would show the world anyway. So starting tomorrow (today is Easter :O) I'm going to weigh in, eat some healthier food, and get my butt out there for a walk!!

Hubby and I want to start trying for baby #2 in about 6 months, so realistically if I can even lose .5kg a week until then, I'm going to be in a much better position to carry another baby and hopefully not end up with back pain and gestational diabetes next time.

So if there is anyone out there reading this, please join me on my journey towards being a fitter healthier mummy and never again taking a "before" photo.

Nikki :O)

Goals for me:

Weight Loss (kind of obvious really) I'd like to get down to about 75 kg before getting pregnant again, but long term, down to 65kg.
10km Fun Run
Walk a half marathon